My new year evolution.

The norm is usually to make new year resolutions a day or so before the new year, and stick to them for a period of time, ranging from a day to a week, to a month, depending on how serious you were.
I stopped making resolutions many years ago, when I realized that I felt doing new things in between the year, and so I initiate new things and behaviours, regardless of the date.
What I would like to do today, is to resolve to take away some things, undo some actions and reduce some behaviors. Therefore, I’m going to subtract what I perceive as toxic, because often, when we keep adding new agendas, we forget to discard the useless ones. My evolution will take place by discarding what isn’t useful any more.

So here is a short list-

1) Less emotional dependence- although I do not do this with every relationship in my life, but within some, I become extremely dependent, and I can’t often control. Vulnerability in close relationships is good,given that it’s mutual. If not, you feel indebted and unwanted. So I’ll choose carefully whom to be vulnerable with, and only if they are equally unguarded with me.

2) Less procrastination- If at all I take on too many tasks, then I should be able to do each of them on time so that I don’t delay. I’m spending this week clearing many backlogs so as to have a fresh start. When things are happening on time, I have a sense of control, that makes me feel healthy.

3) Less bunking- This applies to lectures as well as aerobics class. Sometimes, it may feel like a stretch to attend everything, but I must try my best to do so. I miss out a lot when I can’t go. I’m sure that I can use my time well.

4) Less whining- I’m trying my best to not complain, and rather put across what I feel in a more constructive way. If you believe like I do, that everything is energy, and that it can change forms, converting it from negative to positive is not only possible, but also important. This will also help me develop as a therapist.

5) Less hatred- Hatred, unjustified or justified, is toxic. I will try to understand and work with my prejudices and biases. Even if hatred or anger is justified, it harms me more than the person it’s directed at, so I will let go, yet, obviously, maintain self respect.

So, as the picture below illustrates, I will look at this year and the people in it, but with love.

image

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The actor’s wife.

She looked at herself in the mirror. Her weight gain was not a lot, women of her age did gain that sort of weight, especially after two pregnancies. She looked at the Newspaper. There was an article on her husband. As usual. And his new wife. And how he still ‘maintained relations’ with the children of his first marriage. Her children. Their children.

Things were obviously going to fall apart. He was from the film industry. She was not. It was naive to think that he wouldn’t fall for one of the women from the sets. But what happened surprised her more than shocking her. He had fallen for the director, a hard-working young woman, and not the scintillating actress, his co-star.

They had married when he hadn’t even worked in his first film. People advised her not to. What if he ended up being just a junior artist all his life? But she believed him. She believed in him. And he succeeded. The more his profession took off, the more their marriage failed. She should have known. She never understood how the  other star-wives managed it. She didn’t want to. She wasn’t one of them.

She had given the marriage all she could. Perhaps too much. But she was thankful he ended it when he was in love with someone else, although, it still was extra-marital, and she could never forgive him for it. The kids had grown up. She had hoped that they would not join the film industry. But it looked to her that her son was inclining that way. Well, it was his choice.

The only mistake she thought she had ever made was let the marriage and her husband define her identity so largely. Now she had found herself, and did what she want to. She turned the page of the paper. Something caught her attention –

A young actress, who had done a brief role in one of her husband’s films had committed suicide, and abuse by a boyfriend, another actor’s son, was said to be involved. No doubt her secretary would put a call through to her soon, from the deceased relatives. But she could not wait. She picked up the phone.

“Hello? This call is from the Director of Protection of Women in the Entertainment Industry. I was wondering if this is a good time to talk about your daughter, the deceased Miss Khan? It appears to me that the case needs probing.”