My new year evolution.

The norm is usually to make new year resolutions a day or so before the new year, and stick to them for a period of time, ranging from a day to a week, to a month, depending on how serious you were.
I stopped making resolutions many years ago, when I realized that I felt doing new things in between the year, and so I initiate new things and behaviours, regardless of the date.
What I would like to do today, is to resolve to take away some things, undo some actions and reduce some behaviors. Therefore, I’m going to subtract what I perceive as toxic, because often, when we keep adding new agendas, we forget to discard the useless ones. My evolution will take place by discarding what isn’t useful any more.

So here is a short list-

1) Less emotional dependence- although I do not do this with every relationship in my life, but within some, I become extremely dependent, and I can’t often control. Vulnerability in close relationships is good,given that it’s mutual. If not, you feel indebted and unwanted. So I’ll choose carefully whom to be vulnerable with, and only if they are equally unguarded with me.

2) Less procrastination- If at all I take on too many tasks, then I should be able to do each of them on time so that I don’t delay. I’m spending this week clearing many backlogs so as to have a fresh start. When things are happening on time, I have a sense of control, that makes me feel healthy.

3) Less bunking- This applies to lectures as well as aerobics class. Sometimes, it may feel like a stretch to attend everything, but I must try my best to do so. I miss out a lot when I can’t go. I’m sure that I can use my time well.

4) Less whining- I’m trying my best to not complain, and rather put across what I feel in a more constructive way. If you believe like I do, that everything is energy, and that it can change forms, converting it from negative to positive is not only possible, but also important. This will also help me develop as a therapist.

5) Less hatred- Hatred, unjustified or justified, is toxic. I will try to understand and work with my prejudices and biases. Even if hatred or anger is justified, it harms me more than the person it’s directed at, so I will let go, yet, obviously, maintain self respect.

So, as the picture below illustrates, I will look at this year and the people in it, but with love.


Let your unconscious decide.

Quite often, we are hassling over decisions, when the solution seems to occur and we realize that it was ‘within’ us all this while. Only, we happened to clear the clutter so we can see things clearly. I don’t know who apart from Freud and other neo-Freudians would support me, but ever since reading this book called ‘Subliminal’ by Leonard Mlodinow, I am all the more convinced that our unconscious holds more answers than we are willing to give credit to it. Maybe we are reluctant to accept it because the mysteriousness scares us. Within ourselves is something deciding for us, and yet we are not aware of how or why.

If all that seems too much of a jargon, I’ll give a simple example, that I suggested as a tip to someone a few days ago. The person in question wanted to unclutter his PC desktop, and did not know what to delete and what not to. I suggested that he put everything in the recycle bin, and retrieve only what he felt the need of the most, in a couple of days. I know this is not so deep into the unconscious, but it helped him look through the layers of ‘this is a good app’ or ‘this reminder will be useful’, down to the things that he truly needs.

So why does this happen? What I think is, that we are bombarded with suggestions daily, in fact, every minute. So instead of adhering to things and habits that we need, we adhere to those we ‘think’ we need as well. The result? We end up having loads of acquaintances, but few friends; No time for exercise, but always one for a swig or a puff; no time to read blogs or other useful things on the net, but all the time in the world for Facebook/Twitter etc. I’m not saying that social networking or knowing people is bad, but we have forgotten our priorities.

What should be our primary concerns, tend to be the least ones, and therefore, is it a wonder that we always seem to be at odds with ourselves? Our inner selves are revolting for some time for themselves, some peace, some priority, and less clutter.

So, the next time you want to know whether you *really* like someone, or whether you should keep doing the current unsatisfactory job, let your unconscious decide. Try not to force this inner voice with what you ‘think’ should be the right choice or course. This voice will tell you the right answer, even though it may be hard to take sometimes.

With time, when you are one with this voice, you will be at peace. For atheists, the voice is the unconscious, the smarter self within our selves, that understands more than we do consciously. For Believers and agnostics, maybe it’s the universal under-current/God trying to guide us. Who knows?