What do you feel when you are waiting for something? Results or consequences of an event? I realized I’m not a big fan of these periods in life, maybe, because the waiting period for too many things have coincided. More importantly, I’m proactive and so, waiting without being able to contribute much to how the outcome turns out to be, is all the more frustrating for me.
My board exams stretch from 6th april to 22 May, yes, and in between they called us for practicals, sent us back as the examiners didn’t show up (teachers’strike) and then called us again before a tough paper. But at least I’m glad its over. I’m waiting for a friend to be free so that we may go sightseeing here in Bombay, but even that isn’t conclusive yet.
There are some very weird things going on at home, the verdict of which I’ll know, after my exams. They have to do with my further education, and so of course, I’m tensed and anxious about how things are going to be.
I applied to TISS for my masters. They said the results would be out on the 12th, then delayed it to the 24th. And on the 24th I saw that I’m in the (wait for it) – Waiting list. Sigh. So if someone cancels their admissions, I may get in.
Lastly, I’m stuck in my weight loss regime. Need to lose those last 5 kilos that won’t budge. I’m even waiting for sequels of a book and TV series, but those are minor matter. I know that its only a month more, and that by May, the conclusions of all of this will start to cascade one after the other. Hope I have the strength to face things then.
I’m burned out by all the anxiety and I just want to hibernate for a while, till things, hopefully, take a final turn for the better. Until then, hoping that these events are worth the wait. I try to engage myself but the thoughts creep in.
My only fear is, I do not want to stop living life, while I wait for it.